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5 Oakland County teens have powerful message on mental health

Detroit Free Press - 3/21/2018

March 21--Jessica Goldberg is a pioneer.

And she's only 16.

The Farmington Hills teen is president and founder of Sib4Sib, a support network for people with siblings who are struggling with mental health concerns, such as her 14-year-old brother.

Her message to people living with challenges, like herself, is simple: "You are not alone."

"No matter how unique your experience is, there is somebody who understands you. You just have to find the resource to provide the assistance to help," said Goldberg, a sophomore at North Farmington High School.

Goldberg is one of five Oakland County teenagers who on Wednesday night will share their intimate stories of how they overcame struggles in their young lives, such as verbal abuse by an alcoholic parent, battling an eating disorder, struggling with undiagnosed dyslexia and dealing with severe depression.

They'll share what they wished others knew as they struggled with their challenges in concert with the theme of the free public event "The One Thing I Wish You Knew."

"The goal of this event is to start a conversation regarding mental health challenges and their isolating effects, because when someone feels isolated and excluded, it is not a safe or healthy place for them or others to be in," said Rabbi Yarden Blumstein, teen director at Friendship Circle in West Bloomfield. "We need to be talking about the real stuff, the internal stuff. Our conversations need to be more about what we 'wish others knew' and not about what we are currently sharing -- and how to have those difficult conversations."

The event at Friendship Circle's Meer Center couldn't be more timely.

It comes a day after another high school shooting, this time in Maryland, that left one student dead and two others hurt. That shooting comes less than a week after tens of thousands of students across the county, including many in Michigan, participated in the National School Walkout -- a nationwide effort that protested gun violence and marked the one-month anniversary of the Florida school shooting that left 17 students and adults dead.

Lillian Beavers was one of the students who walked out of her school and Wednesday, the 14-year-old Bloomfield Hills girl will share her story of a father who was addicted to alcohol and was verbally abusive when she was just 5-6 years old.

"I wish people knew that it's not always gonna be OK, but sharing feelings is important," Beavers, a freshman at Frankel Jewish Academy in West Bloomfield, said of her message.

She said she will encourage younger children facing a challenging situation to talk with a parent or social worker and "it'll probably turn out better than you expect." Her advice for older teens is similar, saying the people who love them will be there to help.

And her message to adults couldn't be more simple.

"Just listen to us."

Beavers' mother, Andrea Jacobson, agreed.

"I think that it's, No. 1, it's so important to not push things under the table, to not pretend things aren't going on," she said.

While the family, including Beavers' stepfather, have a healthy, safe and loving home, Jacobson said it's an ongoing situation for Beavers, whose father shows up occasionally.

She said her "The One Thing I Wish You Knew" message is that it's so important to talk, especially with children who often blame themselves for everything.

"What I wish you knew -- it's not anything that she can control and it has nothing to do with her. His addiction has nothing to do with her. It existed before her, it exists after her," Jacobson said.

She said parents often try to fix everything or make the situation like it's not happening or is too difficult to deal with. Kids, she said, look inward or try to change themselves to make the situation go away.

Jacobson's message to adults is communication.

"We have to initiate the conversation," she said. "If we can talk about it, that's the first step to help our kids and ourselves get through it -- together."

Goldberg said she formed Sib4Sib after looking for help in her situation, as the sibling of an individual with mental health concerns. When she couldn't find help, she formed her own group, which she said has grown significantly in the past year.

She said there are dozens and possibly hundreds of people with identical stories to hers and her group plans to expand to different ages (currently, it's for youths age 12 to 18).

Goldberg said it provides a way to have an outlet, a way of alleviating frustration and allows for a more calm atmosphere in the house with less tension and anger.

"It's taught me patience and compassion and empathy. I wouldn't wish for anything different," said Goldberg. She said her parents are medical professionals who "never assigned blame or denied the validity" and are "fighting to help (her brother) the whole time."

Goldberg's message Wednesday to children and adults is to know there is someone out there who understands what you are feeling.

"If you have a child who's in a situation that provides an ongoing challenge, it can be very helpful to have a community that understands, that will provide a different outlet to them," she said.

Contact Christina Hall: chall99@freepress.com. Follow her on Twitter: @challreporter.

If you want to go

"The One Thing I Wish You Knew" forum includes speakers and a community resource fair for families and teens in crisis. It runs 6:30-8:30 p.m. Wednesday at Friendship Circle's Meer Center, 6892 West Maple Road, West Bloomfield. The event also marks the culmination of Friendship Circle's UMatter teen board's school-year-long initiatives to empower peers at 10 local high schools. To register for the event, go to https://friendshipcircle.org/umatter/events/.

For more information about Sib4Sib, go to Sib4Sib.org.

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